I would love to say that after my post yesterday, I had the best day ever eating and achieved my goals – but life just doesn’t work like that.
I did manage to do the 3 Mile Walk Away the Pounds Super Fat Blaster and also went on a 30 minute bike ride with my daughter. So one goal was achieved twice, and I’ll celebrate that.
But for me, strong emotions equate to overeating. Like it does for a lot of people.
Here was my day yesterday:
Breakfast: Two gluten free waffles with syrup
Lunch: Cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomato and onion, plus carrots dipped in hummus
Snack: Real popcorn made on the stove with oil and butter
(Starting to see a pattern here…as the day goes on and my anxiety elevates, so does my eating.)
Snack: One gluten free peanut butter cookie
Dinner: Snacked on artichoke hearts, black olives and mushrooms with ranch dressing while I cooked a gluten free pizza with those ingredients.
Then, I felt REALLY down and anxious (not to mention, bored) so I ate almost the whole pizza once it came out of the oven.
And finally, I decided that the gluten free peanut butter cookies MUST be gone from the house, so I ate 5 of them with milk.
I could have thrown them away. I could have given one each to the dogs. But nope, I HAD to eat them. For me, it’s all or nothing and that’s what I’m working on in therapy.
I’m also working on enjoying and tasting my food instead of just eating in front of the TV and wolfing it down.
On another topic, because I’m a stay at home mom right now, I have a tendency (ok, all the time) to wear gym shorts, yoga pants, big shirts, etc.
The problem with that is that you feel like your pants fit because they are stretchy. So, I’ve decided today to wear shorts that are a size too small that I’d like to fit into very soon. This way, it’s a constant reminder that I can’t eat the way I did yesterday and expect regular clothes with waistbands to fit.
But I have to wonder — will I ever be normal around food? Will I ever kick this habit/addiction that I have? I want to so badly, but 32 years of bad habits are really hard to break.
So I have to decide, which do I want more? Food or to be healthy and look good? Right now, the answer is both. I don’t know how to comfort myself without food in all honesty. But I’m learning. I have to constantly remind myself that this is a journey, and likely a long one.
Can anyone else out there relate? It would make me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one who goes through this.