Numbers

I wish I could say that the scale doesn’t matter to me.

I’m not defined by a number. I’m a person, not a weight or a size. I’m beautiful inside and out and that doesn’t change with numbers on the scale.

Evil scale.

But I’m human. And because I’m human, it bothers me. A lot.

I hopped on the scale this morning in my new found 30-ness and figured since it’s been a week, and I’ve done a little too much birthday celebrating (hello wine and chocolate!) that I might be up a little.

Um.

189.6.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have been in a “mood” since stepping off the scale.

From my perspective, this is a dangerous number. This is only 10 pounds away from being 200 pounds, which for me is considered obese.

And because I used to weigh 250 pounds, I know how easy it is to slip back into old habits and the weight just creeps up. Before I know it, I’m wearing a size 22 and miserable.

NEVER AGAIN.

I need to get on track and lose about 30 pounds. I HAVE TO. My joints are demanding it. I am demanding it. I want to be a good example for my daughter. I don’t want her to go through this. (And I’m VERY careful never to say anything about weight or the scale around her.)

I guess I need to put on my big girl panties and get moving…literally.

No more excuses. No dieting, just stop eating junk and eating when I’m not hungry.

I wish it was that easy. I need to do this. I have to do this.

It’s time to get serious.

The Big 3-0

Yep, I’m 30 today.

Feels no different than 29 to be honest. I’m not one that dreads birthdays or getting older. I look forward to them!

My office peeps did this for me.

Last night, my best friend treated us to heavenly pedicures (I chose a red glittery color called Ruby Slippers) and appetizers, wine (x3) and dessert. Want to know what’s hard? Finding something vegetarian to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse. We succeeded, but hence no entrees. We just wanted wine anyway, who am I kidding?

Today I thought I would post some goals for the year to come. I think it’s good to have goals to reach for.

In the next year, I would like to:

Finally find a good balance for working out and not feeling guilty about taking time for myself.

Learn more about photography. I LOVE photography and have an awesome Canon Rebel. I’ve been told I have an eye for taking pics but other than just doing it, I know nothing about it.

Take on a more challenging role at work. I work in fundraising and it can be a little mundane. I need a good challenge.

Not worry so much. (Who am I kidding with this one?)

Enjoy every day that I’m given as a blessing.

Conquer food. Take control. Have some will power.

Get a pony. Just kidding. But I figured while I’m wishing for things…

Dirt Queen

Yesterday was such a beautiful day here in Florida.

I have had my organic garden for some time now but decided to expand it to athe actual yard rather than just boxes. And it was the perfect day for it.

I went to Home Depot in the morning and bought a ton of started vegetables – brussel sprouts, peppers, collards, broccoli, strawberries, etc.

Yum.

I was born and raised in Florida, so I don’t know any different, but I appreciate that we can plant all year round.

And I like to play in the dirt. True story.

And because it was National Get Outside and Play Day (how random that I know that…) Meghan got in on the action too and helped me out. She loves to garden as well.

She found a fake coin and buried and told me it was going to grow a money tree. If only…

I’m pretty proud of the work we did yesterday and hope to see the fruits of our labor soon.

There’s nothing better than needing an ingredient and just stepping out your back door for it.

Pity Party for One, Please

I’m in the midst of feeling sorry for myself at the moment. And I know that in the grand scheme of the world, these things aren’t earth shattering but I’m upset about them so I’m going to let myself feel it instead of running to food for comfort.

I went to the orthopedic doctor yesterday to discuss my foot and ankle pain. Unfortunately, my foot is full of teeny little hairline stress fractures. The only reason that he didn’t cast me right then and there was because it would halt my physical therapy for my SI Joint Dysfunction which we have been working so hard to correct.

He thinks that the stress fractures will fix themselves with the help of custom orthotic insoles because I under pronate due to an extremely high arch. And I wear nothing but flat shoes. Ever. So literally my bones are breaking under my weight (way to make me feel like I’m 500 pounds, LOL!) because there’s nothing to support my high arch except the bones.

Super.

So he fit me for insoles (which I hate and I’m trying to get used to) and now none of my shoes fit. He told me I need to buy Clarks, Birkenstocks, etc. that are made to mold to your foot to give it the support it needs. I go back in 4-6 weeks and if it’s not better…I will be casted for two months. And I have a three year old.

Excellent.

Anyway, so that’s that.

The other thing is that I’m having major sleep problems. I wear my FitBit at night to log my sleep and I wake anywhere between 19-42 times per night. I’m actually not getting much sleep. Here’s what last night looked like:

Yeah, I could give M. Night Shyamalan a run for his money with the nightmares I have at night. Last night’s was particularly insane and I find myself in a total fog today.

Okay, enough pity. I guess I need to put on my big girl panties and just deal with it.

The bright spot in my day so far:

Steel Cut Oats with Dried Dates

 Yes, oatmeal has been the highlight of my day so far. I’ll take whatever I can get at this point…

Control

I wish I had more control – of all kinds.

More self control when it comes to fitness and food.

More control over circumstances in life that I’d rather not have to deal with.

More control over things at work that seem so simple but are treated in such a complicated way.

More control over my body and the injuries I have.

But the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize that letting go of some of these things is control in itself. You are willing it not to have a hold over you. As Martha says, “It’s a good thing.”

But the one thing that I absolutely can control is food and what I eat.

I buy my own food, I’m the one that puts it in my mouth. It’s no one’s decision but my own.

That’s pretty powerful when you think about it. I should utilize that power more.

Just my random thought of the day.

Have a great Tuesday.

A Weekend of Firsts with Food

1.  I made two buttermilk pies from scratch. I didn’t even know what buttermilk pie was before Saturday. But I needed to use a half gallon of buttermilk that was about to expire. How many times can I say buttermilk? Buttermilk. Just for good measure. 🙂

It turned out great and I thought it tasted very good. And horrible for you, which is the mark of many things that taste good.

Not mine, but it looked just like this.

I’m thinking that I need to make this for Thanksgiving this year instead of my usual pecan pie.

2. I made fresh pasta from scratch. Now, I don’t know what possesed me to to this if you want to know the truth. We are all sitting around watching the football game and I decide feeding several hungry men would be a good idea.

It too came out really well. No one could believe that I’d never made it before. I don’t have a pasta machine though so I had to roll it out and let me tell you – that’s HARD work!

I tossed mine with sauteed red onions, mushrooms, fresh spinach, red wine, a little butter, some chunks of fresh mozzrella cheese and then added some halved grape tomatoes at the end. O. M. G.

Another pic that isn't mine...

Seriously. I wish I had taken a picture of it but as much as I’m into photography I forget to take food pics. I’m working on it.

An Ode to Chili

Oh chili – how I love thee.

Seriously, I felt awful yesterday and was running a fever. I still don’t feel well today so I stayed home from work (and worked from home so that’s no fun).

All I wanted was some chili so I made a batch of vegetarian chili yesterday. Since then I have had six bowls. DON’T JUDGE ME!

It’s total comfort food.

And I love to top it with sour cream, cheddar cheese, green onion and of course, the best thing of all:
I grow my own jalapenos. I could eat them by themselves….but then again, I LOVE spicy food. Plus, there’s the added benefit of opening up your sinuses.
Nevermind that Meghan told me I stink last night. Sean may have also mentioned it. Ah, the TMI things I share…
What’s your comfort food when you are sick?

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