That Didn’t Go So Well

I would love to say that after my post yesterday, I had the best day ever eating and achieved my goals – but life just doesn’t work like that.

I did manage to do the 3 Mile Walk Away the Pounds Super Fat Blaster and also went on a 30 minute bike ride with my daughter. So one goal was achieved twice, and I’ll celebrate that.

But for me, strong emotions equate to overeating. Like it does for a lot of people.

Here was my day yesterday:

Breakfast: Two gluten free waffles with syrup

Lunch: Cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomato and onion, plus carrots dipped in hummus

Snack: Real popcorn made on the stove with oil and butter

(Starting to see a pattern here…as the day goes on and my anxiety elevates, so does my eating.)

Snack: One gluten free peanut butter cookie

Dinner: Snacked on artichoke hearts, black olives and mushrooms with ranch dressing while I cooked a gluten free pizza with those ingredients.

Then, I felt REALLY down and anxious (not to mention, bored) so I ate almost the whole pizza once it came out of the oven.

And finally, I decided that the gluten free peanut butter cookies MUST be gone from the house, so I ate 5 of them with milk.

I could have thrown them away. I could have given one each to the dogs. But nope, I HAD to eat them. For me, it’s all or nothing and that’s what I’m working on in therapy.

I’m also working on enjoying and tasting my food instead of just eating in front of the TV and wolfing it down.

_____________________________________________________________

On another topic, because I’m a stay at home mom right now, I have a tendency (ok, all the time) to wear gym shorts, yoga pants, big shirts, etc.

The problem with that is that you feel like your pants fit because they are stretchy. So, I’ve decided today to wear shorts that are a size too small that I’d like to fit into very soon. This way, it’s a constant reminder that I can’t eat the way I did yesterday and expect regular clothes with waistbands to fit.

But I have to wonder — will I ever be normal around food? Will I ever kick this habit/addiction that I have? I want to so badly, but 32 years of bad habits are really hard to break.

So I have to decide, which do I want more? Food or to be healthy and look good? Right now, the answer is both. I don’t know how to comfort myself without food in all honesty. But I’m learning. I have to constantly remind myself that this is a journey, and likely a long one.

Can anyone else out there relate? It would make me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one who goes through this.

 

Advertisements

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

So, it’s been three years (*gulp*) since I’ve blogged on this site, but guess what?!

The time is NOW.

Since having last blogged, I have been diagnosed with Celiac disease and can no longer eat gluten. I am also a vegetarian, but I’ve been one for years. However, you mix the two together and it gets interesting.

You would think that without eating meat or gluten-laden foods, that I’d be supermodel skinny. Uhhhh. No.

My current weigh in was 208.4.

And it’s time to lose this weight – once and for all. I am committed like never before.

I am seeing a therapist for my food issues, along with anxiety and depression, which often (okay, almost always) contribute to my over-eating.

The point of this blog for me is total honesty. And anxiety and depression are a big part of my life, though they do not define who I am. They only contribute to some of my habits.

My purpose in doing this is not to spell out everything that goes into my mouth, or every workout I accomplish, but rather, to blog about the issues surrounding weight loss and invite you on my journey.

My first goal is to get to 199. After that, I’d like to focus on 10 pounds at a time, with the ultimate goal of getting to 170.

I invite all comments and helpful hints that anyone has to offer. I want this to be an interactive experience for both myself and the reader.

Occasionally, I will share recipes that are gluten free and vegetarian for those who are interested.

And so, off we go…

035

11.08.10

Yesterday was not exactly the best day as you can tell from my post.

But it’s a new day and that’s all that matters.

I have to say, I started searching for blogs online to read that were from people more like me. Whether I like it or not (or mean to), I compare myself to others. So when I read these other healthy living blogs that feature thin women who run marathons because they (*gasp*) want to and they eat these seemingly perfect meals with no junk…well, it doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

Because even on a good day, I usually eat at least some kind of junk food (sour cream and onion chips yesterday) and my workout was a 30 minute Walk Away the Pounds DVD. And even that was a stretch.

See, I strive for balance. And in my life, I’m not perfect. Not by any means. If I can manage to make it healthy and ideal about 80% of the time, I figure that’s perfection for me.

So, while I will still read those blogs (because I enjoy them and I get great ideas from them) I will not compare myself to them and I will read some more “real” blogs like me.

And furthermore, I am not always going to list the food I eat. Why? I don’t see the point unless I want to share a great recipe. I would rather focus on my accomplishments as a person rather than to let food define me.

Fantasy

Let’s pretend I had a good weekend. Let’s just say that I didn’t drink any wine, there wasn’t tons of sodium involved and I had perfect control. Didn’t pick up any goodies at the store and was strong in the face of temptation.

…and then I woke up.

Because in reality – none of that happened. I wanted it to. I went into Saturday focused and strong…and it was downhill from there.

Saturday included chinese food (though I did share with Sean) and falafels.

Sunday included candy and spinach artichoke dip.

As a result, I am up 4 pounds on the scale this morning. Happy Monday to me.

And if that wasn’t enough, I was determined yesterday that I would start getting up at 5am to workout. Yep, didn’t do that either.

I think that if I got up at 5am and LEFT to go to the gym or something, it would be different. I think I could do that because you are already out the house.

But when faced with my warm, cozy bed and snuggling up with my warm, fuzzy pups…well, guess which wins.

I won’t lie. I’m feeling like a failure this morning. It sucks.

And it just reinforces what was said by the author of The End of Overeating – the second you start to waiver on a food choice, you will likely give in. You have to have a firm NO when faced with it. There is no choice.

Although on the bright side today, my new haircut is cute and I like my new outfit. So there is something positive about today. That, and my girl looked adorable heading off to school today in her dress, leggings and boots with her watch and accessories. Such a little fashionista. It makes me smile.

God, I hope she never has to struggle the way that I do. This internal everyday battle just drains the life out of me. I’m tired.

11.04.10

What a busy day I had yesterday. Work is crazy, swimming lessons for my girl, busy at home. Lots going on. In a good way though. I feel content about it. And I’m thrilled to say that yesterday I actually felt good for the first time in two weeks. Thrilling. Maybe my sinus infection is on the way out. I have hope.

Onto the eats:

Peanut butter and all fruit jelly on whole wheat bread, banana

Vegetarian chili

“Chik’n” patty on a whole grain sandwich thin with mozzarella and marinara sauce – YUM. Tasted like chicken parmesan. How do they make Chik’n taste like chicken? Maybe I don’t want to know. Anyway, it was good and I paired it with edamame and some raw broccoli dipped in hummus.

*******************************************************************************

Here’s the thing though – I think I need to start planning ahead for my Thursday meals if I’m going to weigh in “officially” on Fridays. I ate WAY TOO MUCH sodium yesterday – about 3500mg. WAY TOO MUCH.

As a result, I can’t get my rings off today, and the scale is up 3 pounds when I know that’s not real weight. So I’m going to limit my sodium today, drink a ton of water and tea and re-do my “official” weigh in tomorrow.

Sometimes I focus so much on the calories/fat that I ignore sodium which is just as important. And while I love vegetarian chili (especially on cold days like today in FL) it is PACKED with sodium. Canned beans, canned tomatoes, chili kit = SALT. Maybe I need to make it with fresh ingredients instead.

Anyway, I’m rambling and not making sense. I’m trying not to make today crappy just because the scale says I’m up a few pounds. I know it can’t be true and I need to just keep focused.

11.03.10

Do you ever have days where nothing sounds good to you? This was my day yesterday. I wanted to eat, but I didn’t want anything. Odd.

Onto the eats:

Greek yogurt, raisins, granola, banana (what can I say, I was on a kick this week)

Enchilada casserole, two small papusas

Vegetarian chili with cheddar, light sour cream and jalapenos from my garden. I have the leftovers of this today for lunch and I can’t wait. I also had a corn muffin with this.

I don’t really have much to add to this post today. It’s a blustery, rainy and dark day here in the Sunshine State and it puts me in a pensive mood. I’m also trying to be VERY focused on my work today as I did too much goofing off yesterday and now I’m swamped. As if I wasn’t before, right?

**************************************************************************

I do have a question (if anyone is out there and wants to reply):

I don’t go to a gym because I work full time and have a child at home. If I didn’t have a toddler, I would be there everyday. This limits what and when I’m able to work out but I would like to get back into lifting weights again. However, when I did that before I was going to a gym and had all the equipment. Now I only have 2, 5 and 10 pound free weights at home.

How do I put together an effective routine?

11.02.10

This week is flying by! I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday.

Yesterday’s menu:

Greek yogurt, raisins, granola, banana

Leftover hunan tofu with veggies and a little fried rice. Also had Sun Chips. Booo. Counted it and moved on.

Best dinner ever: shrimp tacos with chipotle sour cream and roasted okra. SO GOOD.

I actually got the recipe for the shrimp tacos from Just Cook This on Discovery Health and they are now a regular thing in our house. Sean and I love them – plus, it takes all of 15 minutes to prepare and it’s healthy.

Shrimp Tacos

Shrimp – about a pound

Fat free tortillas (the little 6″ ones) of your choice

Canned chipotle peppers in adobo

Light sour cream OR plain greek yogurt (both work well)

Purple cabbage, shredded

Cajun or Southwest spices

Lime wedges – don’t skip this!

Basically, cook the shrimp sprinkled in cajun or southwest spices. You can toast up the tortillas but I was lazy last night and didn’t – it was fine.

Put the chipotle peppers in adobo in the blender or Magic Bullet if you have one. You can chop it too but it’s messy and I find that the chunks just aren’t small enough. Mix the chipotle peppers with sour cream or greek yogurt. Take some advice though from personal experience – start out SMALL with the peppers and taste along the way to make sure the heat is okay for you. I adore spicy food, but last night I made it so hot that I had to drink milk with dinner.

That’s it. You put down a tortilla, put a little of the sour cream/chipotle mixture on it, top with shrimp and shredded cabbage and then squeeze fresh lime on it. Perfection. So simple.

**********************************************************************************************************

On another topic, I finished reading The End of Overeating and I really related to everything in that book – I highly recommend it. Some of the beginning is a little arduous to get through, I won’t lie. The author is a doctor (former head of the USDA) so his research is very clinical on brain functioning and the act of eating. It’s fascinating though. I also like how he started this whole project because HE has trouble staying away from food and wanted to better understand why.

This is not a book about dieting or what you should eat. I think that’s another reason why I liked it.

Anyway, one of his insights into overeating and how to stop is to treat your food like an addiction, and in many ways, (for me anyway) it is. Not all food, but trigger foods – which for me is sugar. When I have some, I want more. Always. I can moderate many foods, but sugar is not one of them.

So his suggestion is that of an addict – you can’t just have a little of something, at least not in the beginning. You have to say NO, and it has to be a firm decision. The moment you waver, you will likely choose to eat it. This also serves to reduce anxiety about food because it’s not a choice – you just don’t have it. There is no internal struggle.

You know what? It works. I have not had any sweets at all this week. The hardest part has been at night when I crave them around 8pm, and there’s a whole bucket of Halloween candy in my kitchen. But you know what? I look at it and just say in my head NO. It’s not even a choice. And I walk away.

I hope that someday I will be able to just have a little and not worry about it. Maybe I will. But for now, I’m just saying NO. And I feel good about that.

Previous Older Entries